Thank you for your prompt response to my quiery.
I guess my real issue is a fear of relationships.
While reading discription of L., I saw a mirror image of myself. I suppose that is why I liked him because in a way he was safe.
I do want to marry for need of intimacy but my independence is something I had not thought of releasing.
Since last Friday, I have experienced a feeling deep in my solar plexis that is filled with anxiety, stress, fear, and had no idea where this was coming from the break of relationship with L., or the spiritual. I sense Chaos all around me and have had a difficult time finding balance within myself. Yesterday, I felt perhaps the full moon or summer soltice. Could you shed light here?
You see to understand if the relationship was the cause I felt a need to explore that avenue first.
What you are experiencing at the solar plexus level is past life residue from this relationship.
You have been connected with him before, and spirit was/is using your interaction to assist you in clearing the way for what you truly want.
To clarify; We occasionally experience what I call " intersection points" in our lives, which correspond to certain events in past lives which we are attempting to clear. These points are
"hot buttons" that are activated when specific conditions occur which line up with dramas from our past incarnations. We re-experience similar emotional/physical circumstances which offer us the opportunity to cleanse, clarify, and forgive.
In this case, you experienced a past life with L. in which you were a careless husband who traded in fine linens and costly goods. L. was your wife in that lifetime, and felt neglected and unappreciated. There was a corresponding lifetime in which you were his daughter. He was a person of influence in a Jewish settlement where you lived. He was ashamed of you because you did not conform to the very orthodox beliefs and restrictions which governed your village. Eventually you were banished, and you never forgot, or forgave, the humiliation which this event caused. He did not try to prevent your banishment, and your unconscious attempts at controlling each other have been at work ever since.
Understand that now both of you have progressed beyond these circumstances, but are emotionally caught in these heavy feelings.
It is time to do a healing/releasing ritual here.
Choose a day when there are no distractions. Turn off phone, TV, etc.
Light a fire outside if possible. Have represented earth, air, and water, also. Air can be a feather or sword or knife. Earth is rocks, sand, etc. Water is self-explanatory. Ask the elements to help you in your quest to be free.
Prepare these objects around you, and seat yourself amongst them.
Call upon Spirit in whatever way is useful for you, but especially yours and his personal guides and higher selves.
Imagine that he is within the circle with you sitting opposite.
Ask his forgiveness for any harm that you have done him in this life or any other.
At this point if you have anything to say or apologize for, you should speak this out loud.
Then, forgive him for any harm which he may have brought to you in this life or others.
Ask that you may be mutually released from any further negative karma or interactions.
Be specific in this praying, let yourself feel whatever comes up, and speak to him as if he were in the room. Say, "I release and forgive you."
When you feel finished, ask Spirit to come forth and bless this relationship.
Ask that it be completely healed. Ask that he and you will be led unto your highest individual paths.
Ask that only the best and highest energies will henceforth be present between you in lives to come.
Thank your guides and his.
This is a very powerful ritual and can work wonders.
If further emotions come up, repeat this process until you feel clear.
It may take days, or a few weeks even to feel finished.
This is the great work which we are all compelled to do, to clear off the dross from unresolved dramas.
It opens the doorway to Spirit's Greatest Gifts.
In love and service.