Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Q #3: Relationship Ending


I met a man a couple of years ago. We have been dating for over a year without comitting to a set relationship.
Wednesday evening he came to the house to tell me he has been wanting to tell me for a long time that he met a woman , he would like to go out with and felt it important to tell me before he asked her.
My question is why, What happened.


Hi P.

After reading the background information which you sent on this relationship, I can advise you as to some possibilities.

My intuition tells me that this man is not dealing straight with you, nor with anyone.
He suffers from some deep-seated insecurities which do not allow him to develop strong attachments. He has feelings and emotions, but self-preservation is everything to him. Relationships do not feel like safe ground, therefore he will sabotage any attempts to become very intimate and close.

He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and you are not alone in being misled or deceived. He wants to be thought well of at all costs, so he will carry on with more than one person at a time, without letting on to anyone what is occurring.

On a spiritual level, he is trying in this incarnation to move to the heart chakra level of unconditional love. He works a lot with groups because this gives him opportunities to offer love to people regardless of their state of awareness. However, he has not been able to transfer this level of interaction to his one on one relationships, which he ends or retreats from if he feels that he is "getting in to deep".

It is helpful to know where he is coming from, but you need to focus on the lesson presented to you.
You have strong intimacy needs, and you also enjoy your independence. You need the freedom to come and go in a committed relationship. Be very clear with yourself at this point.

What exactly do you want in a relationship?

Love is available in a myriad of forms and varieties. This man does/did have feelings for you. However, he is not capable of the kind of relationship that you desire.
I sense that you have strong family feeling and a deep sense of responsibility for your loved ones.
I do suggest, however, that some of this is engineered to assist you in avoiding key discussions and situations in your relationships.

Pay attention to the timing of your family's needs, and notice if it doesn't coincide with parallel needs in your intimate relationships. Do they often seem to be at odds at the same time?
This is no accident. This is a safety valve for you that enables you to regain a sense of stability and safety, to take a retreat from moving into a deeper understanding with a partner.

This occurred so that you might take the opportunity to sort out what you are willing to give, and what you require, from an intimate relationship, and to decide what your priorities are. If your family comes first and foremost everytime, then be very clear about that.

If you want to be married, and only want to date marriage minded men, let the universe know.
It tunes in to your signals, conscious or unconscious, and gives you back a reflection of your deepest needs.

In love and service:


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