Dear Eileen......My cousin Joyce gave me your address and suggested that I write to you. My date of birth 7-28-49......I have been married to a loving but alcoholic husband.for 33 years...for years I wanted to leave, once I did and a voice in my head said to go back and finish it this time. Now I am resigned and just tired ........can you shed any insight into my situation??,,,,,,,,,,Your input will be appreciated.......ec
After reviewing your chart(which is quite complicated, by the way), I offer some insights into your question.
You have several planets in cardinal signs. This means you are by nature, a leader, one whom others look to for guidance. You are nurturing and kind to those in need.
However. you often feel at odds with yourself, almost as if you were two people. One part of you knows perfectly well what is right and healthy for you, and you proceed with confidence and assurance.
The other part of you is self-doubting and pessisimistic about your circumstances and future. Your emotions lead you to stay tied to frustrating scenarios which deny your vitality and growth.
This latter part is a fragment of a past life.....one in which you were a rigid taskmaster who was demanding and harsh, in your personal and social relationships. You were proud and showy, with wealth and position. You had no compassion for those less fortunate, even when they were most in need of the favor that your influence could bestow.
At the end of that incarnation, you died frustrated and alone, unsatisfied with your life.
After that lifetime, you had remorse and guilt over your self-centered ways, and resolved to "do better". You planned to concentrate on helping others.
In the process you have lost the balance between the needs of others and your own.
In this time you have felt chained to circumstances which degrade your spirit and your energy, which "do not do you justice".
You purposely planned this as a lifetime of limitation, in order that you would turn away from outward seeking.
You are being trained to abandon the desire for social status and position.
You are being humbled in relationship in order to know your deepest vulnerability.
All of this is designed to cause you to search for answers, and that search is within.
Your own spirituality cries out for acknowledgement.
You have strong mentoring, healing, and psychic abilities, but these are somewhat undeveloped and denied.
They are not considered "profitable" to your deepest self.
However, your path, and your greatest lesson, comes in recognizing that it is through finding own's own spiritual identity/service....that the most magnificent, blazing joy is made manifest in your life.
This does not mean martyrdom to the suffering of another human being.
Yes, there was a karmic debt to be paid to your husband in this lifetime.
That debt has long since been settled. He has grown spiritually lazy on your kind indulgence.
You do him and yourself no favors, as he does not progress as long as you hold him hostage to your guilt.
Let down the barriers to your own joy. Open up, and allow others to help you. Vulnerability is your strength now.
Join a group which offers support for the spouses of alcoholics. This will enable you to find the courage to forgive yourself for not being perfect, and not being able to save him. He can only do that for himself.
Pray. Be free. Let God lead you.
In love and service.